Two voices

In persuading of “beyond”, which after all perhaps was nothing but maturity, intimacy or a better life I achieved nothing but only hurt myself. No one, no one never ever did harm to me more than I did to myself by my foolishness. I hurt this flesh this perfect healthy body that was given to me only by not eating properly, thinking that something good, a new self would come out of it.

One voice: I am sick. These stages are nothing but signs of sickness. I have almost every sign of eating disorder habits. I am deceiving myself by these ‘mystical’ terms. I'm not able to overcome my stupidity.

Another voice: You do not want to let anything born nor die. You fear change. You want/long for the change, you constantly speak of it but you don’t want it to happen without it passes through you.You want change and you want this self this very voice to be left unchanged: impossible.